I tried to escape from the relentless tentacles that entwine the corporate world. The only thing I managed to succumb to is going on company retreats. I avoid the Christmas party and Happy-hours (got mislead by the name a few times hoping to find something happy). I don’t drink beer and I don’t eat chicken wings. I don’t talk football or baseball. I am the office loser and I would rather give them space to make fun of me while I am not there. Instead of attending stuffy conferences, I believe in getting run over by an aircraft. Basically my networking skills are at an all time low and this is affecting my progress. The corporate ladder at this point might as well be made out of Jello.
To top it all, I turned down a few golf outings with the client and a recent one with the CEO. Someone took me aside and hit me with a three-hole punch. ‘Better take Golfing lessons, you nitwit.’
‘That four letter word gives me the heebie-jeebies and hysteria of the worst kind. As you can see, I have a healthy prejudice against golf. I can't imagine myself rolling on atrificial looking patches of green wasting half a day with a bunch of potbellied old men talking about market shares and (shudder) golf! NO WAY! If the clients want to spend time with me, they better take to climbing or kickboxing. That way talking will be at minimum while they concentrate on their immediate safety.’
Colleague looks very happy at prospect of me improving his chances of survival. He enrolls in golf classes and also takes a course in the ‘Art of appreciating beer and steak.’ He even hired a personal trainer to increase his waist line, calls his dog Caddie and uses his golf clubs as pointers in presentations.
This is getting to be too stressful for me. I can’t let XYZ colleague take my promotion. When it comes to abject jealousy, I’ve got my head in the right place. Reluctantly I asked someone where I can find the best golf outfit and shoes. If that works out, I’ll buy the state-of-art set of clubs. Next I might watch a few Hollywood movies like Tin Cup. Hope I'm not forgetting anything. Yes ofcourse, I will need to include Tiger Woods in this agenda somehow.
This whole golf thing better NOT compromise my identity of a golf-hater.