One Desperate Soul to Another

Pittsburgh social life is looking up for us. FINALLY!

I replied to a plea on the internet. I will keep you posted on our budding friendship.
I've copied this guy's post and my reply follows:

Looking for friends (Anywhere in Pittsburgh)

Posted on: Friday, 29 June, 2007 12:28

Hi,
I will probably get a lot of flak for this post but this is really a final ditch effort to find some decent friends in the Pittsburgh region. Over the last few years, my wife and I have had a tough time finding friends who are sophisticated yet warm. We either find people who're too snooty or pretentious or those who are gauche and inflexible to living a life commensurate with the ways of the US.

We're looking for friends who:

1. Are active, fun and sophisticated.

2. Are not parochial.

3. Are perfectly bi-lingual in English and Hindi.

4. Are interested in travelling and learning new activiites.

5. Are between 25-35.

If you know what I mean and are nodding empathetically, you're the kind of person we want to meet. If you're confused or annoyed because you think that friends are not meant to be mail-ordered, I completely understand. Please accept my apologies and disregard this post. My aim was not to offend anyone. It was just an easy way to find friends that share the same tastes.

_______________________________________________
Look No Further

Dear friendless in Pittsburgh,

My husband and I have moved to Pittsburgh from Chicago and we are on the brink of moving back if we don't find friends in this area soon. I just dropped my packed bags when I saw this post of yours. We nodded so much that we are on tranquilizers now. We are the right people for you and you wife to hang out with. And here’s why-

We have credentials and would qualify for all the points-

1. We are very active. Hubby channel surfs while lying on the couch and drinking beer (actively multitasking) while I am actively thinking on how to throw the TV while he blinks.
Regarding fun, we laugh at appropriate times when one says something that is perceived funny. Like your post.
I am not sure if owning a pair of shoes qualifies for sophistication, but I assure you we wear shoes. Hubby has stopped spitting on the roads ever since Bihar stopped exporting paan. (Of course, this was to also to be flexible to living a life commensurate with the ways of the US)

2. You can be rest assured we are not parochial since we are not entirely sure what it means.

3. Except 'parochial', I think we know all the words in English, even 'bi-lingual'. Sadly, my hubby needs subtitles to watch Hindi movies. Damn it! I knew this trait in him would pose a threat to our social life one day!

4. We love traveling just to eat pretzels offered in airlines. We are mostly constipated from this indulgence. We don't mind learning new activities as long as they are geared towards somehow getting ourselves featured in the Limca Book of World Records. We are in the process of making dinnerware from earwax.

5. For the first time I feel good about my age. Thank Heavens I am not 23 or even 24!

Please consider our application and let us know at the soonest if we made the cut. We are in dire need of friends and I am not kidding this time.

P.S. - You both are invited to dinner anytime. (Hope this brings out our warm personality)

Sincerely,
Hubby and I