Friday, February 09, 2007

Court Case and Pizza Base

The court date was set and my only hope was that Ms. Purple doesn’t show up as I had quite an excellent alibi. I had pictures of her bumper in close-up. I deleted forensic evidence of my car’s past. I took Google Earth print outs of the intersection and charted out a 10 minute monologue on the unsafe geometry of the intersection (my Transportation Engineer background finally comes of some use). I prepared a report on capacity constraints and operational deficiencies and created a proposal on improving the intersection and the cost report read 1 million dollars. Weather report of that particular day suggested ice-rain that made roads potentially unsafe. A phone conversation between me and Pi where Pi asked me to come home or he would finish up the kheer in the fridge was deleted.

Pi decided to come with me to the court for moral support and took a day off from work. By adopting my life, I feel it is his way of adding some drama in his. While I was busy preparing the case, he was busy checking out the location of the Garden-of-Eating pizza place. ‘Guess what? It’s on the way to the court. We could get it on our way back!’

‘Get what?’ I asked preoccupied.

‘That only.’

‘Oh, ok.’

On the way, he spotted the pizza joint and jumped up and down with glee. I nodded still wondering if the woman were to show up, I might have to run her over.

No purple cars in the parking lot. So there we were, the Judge, the officer, Pi and I swearing to speak the truth and nothing but the truth.

The officer presented his case. I was surprised that he dragged the part where she followed me to my apartment.

The judge was perplexed. Alpha rear ended her. So how was Ms.Purple following her?

I was squirming now. Jeesus officer, stick to the case man!

Anyway, when my turn came, I performed to the best of my potential and judge was amused with my thorough research and material but still wanted to know why she followed me to my apartment. I explained. He was even more amused.

He asked the cop if she seemed that sort of person when she stormed in with her purple jacket and purple hair band and one look at her the judge passed his verdict.

Not guilty.

Ahh, joy! Raptures! Jingilala Jum Jingilala Jum! Hoohaa hoohaa!

A slight smirk and snigger at Ms Purple and we got up to leave. Pi pulled up to the pizza place and ordered the pizza. Take out. He asked me which topping I would like and I said onions.

‘Why the heck she did show up to the court? Hope she didn’t have to travel far and wide. But thank God she came late. Whatever, she deserved it. The look on her face was priceless. Haha! You think the judge took a liking to me? Do you think if I called him ‘your honor’, he would have been happier? You think they might take up my proposal and rebuild that intersection. My office just needs a project like that.’

The pizza was brought into the car and I kept rambling about this all the way home. The pizza was placed on the dining table and the almost drooling Pi dug into the box and was about to sink his grinning teeth into the cheese laden slice.

‘ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!’ I screeched.

Dropping the piece, he was shocked. ‘What happened sweetie?’

‘What is this pizza doing in the house?!’

‘We just brought it.’

‘What nonsense?! Why did you get it? Look at that cheese. It’ll send the clot waiting near your heart straight to the brain. Aiyooo! It’s so huge; it covers the whole dining table. Keep off from it.’

‘I am eating it. To hell with you!’ he was obviously shaken.

‘Dammit! Eat and Die! I don’t care. I am having dal rice.’ So to prove a point, I did have dal rice while the aroma of the pizza under my nose was too much to bear.

I was so pissed about this pizza appearing from nowhere that I cursed a little more. Pi yelled back saying I had gotten arrogant after winning the case.

‘Bah! I will show you real arrogance!’

So when he went upstairs to take a break, I loaded the rest of the pizza in the car and took off to my office and laid it in the kitchen for my office folks like a kind hearted Annadata (food providing Goddess). Let others get fatter and clog themselves. I have saved my hubby.

I got a phone call. All I heard was abuses that would have put Ms Purple and the whole of Bihar to shame. Taking away food from under Pi’s nose has the worst consequences and I was not prepared for this. There were a lot of deals that had to be made and promises that need to be kept. Basically, I am a goner!

The next day, I opened the fridge in the office kitchen to bring out my lunch of dal rice and reheat it in the microwave oven when I was confronted with a huge familiar cardboard box and demons in my head.

Guilty as charged.

PS- It was yummy.


upsilamba said...

I almost thought the purple head would be at the pizza joint too.

then thats imgaination and this is life.

kalthappa & muthanna - your coorgi frends? serious aa?

alpha said...

yes, coorgis..kalthappa is a snack I have had the good fortune to eat ..will never forget it. it was like stone.

bloghopper said...

You mean you didn't steal food from under pi's nose all this while ? You are a goner for sure !!

PS: Jingilala Jum .. now where have I heard that ? Argh I cannot get it out of my head now. Pliss to ssssplain.

alpha said...

bh: see, that one thing i havent been able to accomplish...which explains his well endowed (and mine) self.

hint to ps-

Humko mili uski sazaa
Hum jo khata kar naa sake
Hum bewafa hargiz na the
Par hum wafa kar naa sake

jingala la jum, jingala la jum
Jingala la jum hurr hurr, hurr hurr

bloghopper said...

Well endowed and you ? Now that would be something, wouldn't it ?

Zoheb said...

You do realize that Pi can just go out and buy another pizza ..... well whatever makes you happy.

alpha said...

bh: Anything to give my site hits.

zo: kya yaar... i am very confident about his laziness.

Ravages said...

hmmm...well endowed, purple hair, bitch.

What is happening in this blog heh? Alpha becoming beta version?

chakri said...

alpha..gotta give it to u. u r back in form.

Patrix said...

Hmmm..interesting to see you never mentioned the race or color of the purple-haired offender...politically-correct in today's charged times? or just correct? :)

BTW, Jingala la jum hurr hurr, hurr hurr reminds me of Yogu.

alpha said...

ravages and patrix: Purple hair band re...guys will be guys! hmpf!

chakri: thanks re.

patty: come come patty..dont drag me into one of your controversies. Oh she was some white trash...thought it would be redundant to mention that...(lucky for you I aint a DP contributer)

Gini said...

He he he. Hope you are still alive.

So, after DNA, now you have visited the court as well. That too in videsh. :P

Blue said...

Hi, Alpha --

Nice blog and fun post! Here's a question, since you know from my blog that I am just beginning to learn how to cook: what is dal rice? I can make dal, and I can make rice, and I can put them next to each other on a plate... but is there a special way that you put them together?

Thanks -- Blue

alpha said...

gini: dna went to court in swadesh? jeez..i think his smile didnt work with the cops. btw, i have been to the court a few times before. so no biggie.

blue: Thanks much! You are 100 percent there with the dal rice recipe..I wish I could have helped you..but you seem like a pro already.

anantha said...

Alpha: So the pizza was good? And now DNA went to court.. Too many bits and pieces of news coming out now.

anantha said...

For some reason, your court appearance reminds of Shilpa Shetty, Big Brother and Jade Goody!

alpha said...

anti: Now I need to speak up!
here's my indignant speech ..grrrr!

Me said... we get to c u on court TV...?

D.N.A. said...

No I went to court in vides only. 2 weeks in a row for 2 different cases - reckless driving and reckless driving without license. My only prayer was not to get the same judge. I got "Case dismissed" on both. I almost became a "velu nayakar" ("velu nayakara vidudhala senjutanga!!")

alpha said...

me: i need to first loose a few pounds before i can appear in public.

dna: cha..u are a biiger criminal than me...i should stop showing off.

bloghopper said...

I bet all the "madrasi" males will rather prefer you with your pounds intact. Are you dark too ?

jeet said...

hilarious blog senora and congrats on getting the case dismissed, i wish i was that lucky


alpha said...

bh: hide! I assume you might have hopped around enuf in the blogosphere to realise such comments could potentially be taken in the intended which case you will have to face a three page discourse on that by our Anantha here.

jeet: thanks senor. if you want luck on your side, hire me as your lawyer.

anantha said...

Alpha: I understand tongue and cheek! I also understand the use of the quotes! So bloghopper will not be burnt at the stake.

anantha said...

d.n.a: Neenga nallavara illa kettavara?

bloghopper said...

No flame wars ? How disappointing !! Thought, I could make alpha's blog a lil more interesting :(
These days even DP has stopped linking to this blog. What has this world come to ?

Anonymous said...


dp only links to blogs by fair northie fair and lovelies. blogs by dark madrasis are summarily discarded! lol!!

- s.b.

Fishy said...

Ur life is interesting again, I mean ur back to writing on the blog :D

Rationale said...

Oooh you won the case? Awesome! (But I was rather looking forward to brag about having a 'convicted felon' in the family)

Oh well, theres always the next time. Or maybe it will be Pi! (Standing over your dead body eating Pizza)

alpha said...

antianta: where are thy holiness' feet?

bh: You have tried for a very long time. yes, I am very concerned about DP's fall in my eyes.

sb: what abt fair madrasis? I hope I didnt stump too too badly.

fishy: when will you life ever get interesting so you can start blogging?

rationale: lol! At least you can brag about sense of humor being rubbed off by one family member.
regarding convicted felon in the family, why do u think my brother ran away from India? and why do u think he likes to cook for you?

Hehhh said...


Read The Innocent Man by Grisham. Maan, they nearly executed a guy for far less.

You probably fluttered eyelashes, pah.

AmitL said...

LOL...Twin,u did win the case,and that's what counts...Miss Purple was rear-ended by you,but,u claimed she was following u?hahahaa.As for the pizza thing, good u took it to office...let others get fat,is my motto too..:)(Am on a diet kick right now..await a post on that).:)Cheers...awaiting the next cheerful post.

Munimma said...

Sounds like a good subj for yet another reality tv.
Curious to know - Was she still Ms.Purple for court day?
You do lead a colorful (pun unintended) life.

- YADM (Yet another dark madrasi)

alpha said...

muniamma: man imagine, i could sue and maybe get a chance to chat up with george bush. She did have the purple jacket sans the hairband.

Munimma said...

now, why would you want to do that? To discuss pet goats?