Friday, May 25, 2007

Going Clubbing

I tried to escape from the relentless tentacles that entwine the corporate world. The only thing I managed to succumb to is going on company retreats. I avoid the Christmas party and Happy-hours (got mislead by the name a few times hoping to find something happy). I don’t drink beer and I don’t eat chicken wings. I don’t talk football or baseball. I am the office loser and I would rather give them space to make fun of me while I am not there. Instead of attending stuffy conferences, I believe in getting run over by an aircraft. Basically my networking skills are at an all time low and this is affecting my progress. The corporate ladder at this point might as well be made out of Jello.

To top it all, I turned down a few golf outings with the client and a recent one with the CEO. Someone took me aside and hit me with a three-hole punch. ‘Better take Golfing lessons, you nitwit.’

‘That four letter word gives me the heebie-jeebies and hysteria of the worst kind. As you can see, I have a healthy prejudice against golf. I can't imagine myself rolling on atrificial looking patches of green wasting half a day with a bunch of potbellied old men talking about market shares and (shudder) golf! NO WAY! If the clients want to spend time with me, they better take to climbing or kickboxing. That way talking will be at minimum while they concentrate on their immediate safety.’

Colleague looks very happy at prospect of me improving his chances of survival. He enrolls in golf classes and also takes a course in the ‘Art of appreciating beer and steak.’ He even hired a personal trainer to increase his waist line, calls his dog Caddie and uses his golf clubs as pointers in presentations.

This is getting to be too stressful for me. I can’t let XYZ colleague take my promotion. When it comes to abject jealousy, I’ve got my head in the right place. Reluctantly I asked someone where I can find the best golf outfit and shoes. If that works out, I’ll buy the state-of-art set of clubs. Next I might watch a few Hollywood movies like Tin Cup. Hope I'm not forgetting anything. Yes ofcourse, I will need to include Tiger Woods in this agenda somehow.

This whole golf thing better NOT compromise my identity of a golf-hater.

18 comments:

Patrix said...

Can't imagine you in a golf outfit much less trying to pop in balls in a hole (ok! that sounded really bad). But American Dream ke liye sab karna padta hai...unless of course, you would prefer to swap it with the Indian dream.

Anyway, good to read you even if it is once in a blue moon.

Alpha said...

Patty: A golf post and no PJ from you? Aisa kaisa ho sakta hai biddu? American Dream is too hard re...I had no idea golf was such an integral part...I'm moving over to Bihar and chewing paan with clients!

Me said...

i was looking forward for some saas-bahu drama...hmmm..

alpha said...

me,
would not make that mistake. safety and diplomacy has its own virtues.

bloghopper said...

A golf series akin to the mahabharat series .. now that would be interesting !

NAPP said...

hey Alfa ,

this is too funny ... really can't imagine you swinging clubs, especially at balls hahaha!!! suggest you start taking lessons first like driving the golfing cart !!!!!

u know what they say " golf is not a funeral but both things are pretty sad " share your feelings about golf ..

nice post though will look forward to your adventures on the greens!!!

Munimma said...

Having just had a tiff with the hubby over the blasted game, me being the archetypal golf widow, I quite understand your feelings toward that "sport" aka the black hole of money. Chewing paan sounds like a better option.

Alpha said...

munimma: aaarrggg, didn't think of the black hole of money part! does your hubby have a few golf clubs he can part with and coupons to greens? Can he teach me on evenings when he isn't playing with his clients/buddies (for free of course)? Not sure how much time that will leave you with him. That's secondary considering my plight.

Alpha said...

bh,
i need to work on this mahabarata series that you so fondly talk about...

napp: I just hope for your sake, i dont make it to the greens and they find a way to give me a promotion just based on my work. easier that way.

anya said...

Lol .. better yell out 'fore' LOUDLY.

Anonymous said...

Have always wondered this fascination for golf among the CEOs or senior management. What is it that makes them take to it? Why golf and why not squash or tennis? Is it something to do with the fact that golf is the only game in which you stroke the ball in everyother game you tend to hit/kick it viciously?

-amethyst

Hehhhh said...

I think you'd look cool in plus fours. Or was that hot ?

What a pass this blog come to, and it used to be a fambly channel with Mahabharat and all.

anantha said...

Hmmm golf... kizhinjidhu lambadi lungi!

Morpheus said...

Good to see yet another person who hates golf..not been offered a game of squash yet?

Parmanu said...

What does hubby say, on this matter?

Munimma said...

Hey Alpha, need some info about your pettai. can you buzz me at muni_mum at yahoo dot com. Thanks

Anonymous said...

Hey, while searching for widgets for my blog, I stumbled upon www.widgetmate.com and wow! I found what I wanted. A cool news widget. My blog is now showing latest news with title, description and images. Took just few minutes to add. Awesome!

Rash said...

ahem! Power lady :)