Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Attire Satire

Had an important client presentation yesterday. Spent a considerable part of the weekend obsessing about what to wear and whining about need for another suit. Seriously, if I wore my pin-stripe suit again, for the 14th time in a row, my boss might give me a raise and the clients might just feel sorry for me and award us the project. Of course, couldn’t let my outfit prove my worthiness and do all the hard work. I am a woman of principles.

See, if it were a black suit, it would have been fine… no one really notices. But a pin-stripe ensemble (yellow and red) with frayed collars and a huge patch on the front is bound to make people recognize me even while they are in coma.

So Monday morning, looking all confident and ready to conquer in my new suit (purple and orange), I arrive on time… a few minutes earlier even. My boss smiles benevolently. My suit is already doing its trick. ‘Lets go over the presentation quick.’ He murmurs while we have 10 minutes to go. I seem to be in good shape and good clothes.

So we walk into the war zone and get introduced to clients and other consultants. While the others are signing the attendee’s list, I look for my pen. Couldn’t find it. I see my lip liner, eye liner, mascara (different types), but no freaking pen...not even a pencil. Frantic eye contact with boss… explain the situation with hand gestures. He hands over his only pen; I sign and give it back to him. Couldn’t he have brought two pens? Now people are exchanging their business cards. I scan my purse and horror of horrors, find mine missing. I remember forcing the last ones in my wallet on my friends just to show off. I have fifty hundred of them lying in the office that pop up at the most inopportune times. My boss hands over his card and tells me to write my contact details on the back. I take the card and give him a helpless look; he takes deep breaths and gives me the pen.

We finish the presentation without any glitches expect during the times when I had to pause and borrow a pen to write notes … sometimes writing with my fingernails dipped in mascara. Overall, I think it went well.

So I take the clients for lunch, as my boss has to leave for another meeting. They say they’ll follow. We are on the interstate and I see a toll plaza coming ahead. I pull over to the side and flag down their car.

‘Can I borrow 60 cents please? I forgot to bring change.’

The onus is all on my attire now.

39 comments:

X said...

who do you work for ? :)

alpha said...

i work for a company called x.

WA said...

It can only happen to alpha :D Hilarious, esp the yellow & red pinstripe suit with frayed collars :)))))

anantha said...

Yakkow.. that all fine :)
But padips how going?

Wait..purple and orange suit? WHOA!

bloghopper said...

You seem to have watched too many Govinda movies ! purple and orange, geez ! BTW, when is that much touted exam of yours ?

D.N.A. said...

Did you also make them pay for your lunch? That would have been the deal clincher!

Anonymous said...

You should have planned for a wardrobe malfunction and that would have saved the day :)

alpha said...

wa: :).

bh: april 21st. a penny for your prayers.

anti: padips ok.

dna: i paid da..we went to gay lord! the name had them in good mood for sometime...and i got some mileage for showing them how to eat gulab jamun with rice payasam.

anon: like the suit tearing to expose unshaven under-arms?

D.N.A. said...

Yakkov, off late, you've been grossing me out! Gaylord (not gay lord, that would be like calling lord a gay!) is a safe choice. Did that "pappaji" force you to order mango lassi?

preethi said...

The way you write things is hilarious.i simply love it.

alpha said...

dna: pappaji? jeez..how kinky.

preets! thanks. finally! paying you to say these tings was getting unaffordable.

Zoheb said...

No sex!! No violence!! Just pen and pencil stories. When will we get good masaledaar stories!!

Hardu said...

I should you have an excellent choice of colors. :P

Are they still clients of your company or did they run away after going out for lunch with you? ;)

kappa (and gamma) said...

"We finish the presentation and meeting with not many glitches expect for me pausing to get a pen to write notes every now and then ..."


Horror of horrors, Guruvayoorappa !
Why did you have to show us this day ? Alpha, is this result of all the fortunes that we spent on hiring an engliss teacher for you ! Gamma, we should have just stuck with Tamizh.

- Kappa

alpha said...

ZO: TU BHI NA...KITNA BAAR KAHA CARTOONS DEKHNA BANDH KARO.

HARDU: HOPEFULLY NO ONE RUNS

KAPPA: YES, I AGREE THAT SENTENCE IS GLICHED TO THE CORE..BUT WHAT THE HECK..AS LONG AS MY RICH ENGLISS TEACHER DOESN'T SEE.

Chakri said...

u should just have gone thru the toll. chicago cops are very forgiving.. ;-)

alpha said...

chakri, not to me at least. you must have winked at them..i am a woman of principles.

pavan kumar said...

kamedi of errors :)

Rhyncus said...

Nice.
And was going to remove WV when I saw the ClothingSpecialist's comment on your last post. Sigh, another 6 spam-free posts then.

Fishy said...

Alpha,
New suit, wrong bag??? also orange and purple, yellow and red is going me slight nightmares, i mean i gather from your comments box that you're trying to stay in touch with Tamizhagam, but even rajni stopped wearing these combo a few decades ago ;)
btw, eggjham is comign soon, study hard... promise to not bug you saying "long time no post!!"
- fishy as always

anantha said...

Fishy: Rajini NEVER wore such dingchak combos (apart from one or two movies in the early 90s, i.e post Dalapathi, pre-Baasha phase).Rajini has always exhibited a liking for the manly dark shades of brown and black to go with the tough guy image. MGR on the other hand totally went for candy colored, tight, "muscle showing" ensembles.

anya said...

puhleez ... you dont have an I-Pass?? ;-)

You know the toll thingy on I-190 when one goes to O'Hare .. it has only the I-Pass lane and a coin lane .. no manual lane .. I must have stopped there so many times bcos I didnt have change (cant bloody put a dollar note into the stupid toll machine). Best thing at these times is .. just stop near the coin throwing thing and open your door .. you will find enough change fallen on the ground (by other ppl who miss) to let you thru. :-D

Parmanu said...

I'd rather think the onus is all on your satire now. Which seems to be in good shape, so no worry.

khotta said...

hahaha. talk about misplaced anxieties and priorities.

Fishy said...

Beg your pardon anti...i was going by my limited knowledge of tamil films and heroes...but you gotto admit he did wear yellow and red in a couple of the hindi movies like "chalbaaz"...but thalaivar rules...i gotto say that, or my mom would throw me out of the house...hehehe

-Fishy as always

AmitL said...

LOL..Twin,I empathize with you..sometimes,there are such days when one forgets pens,visiting cards,etc and the boss has to heave deep breaths to hide anger/annoyance.:)Of course, wearing the same business suit 14 times in a row is not part of the pardonable offences,I guess.LOL at the thought of u writing with fingernails dipped in mascara.And,finally,tell me, were you lucky enough to have enough cash with you after the luncheon?Or,if paying by credit card,had the card expired/been forgotten on the living room dresser,and u ended up washing dishes for the hotel,in that nice striped attire?Just wondering..cheers and looking fwd to the next a'muse'ing post.

Anonymous said...

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WA said...

HaHa that might help towards the 60 cents for the toll :)

jaygee said...

reminds of a 'Desperate Housewives' episode where clothes seem to make or break the meeting. :)

m said...

can you imagine those poor clients........they didnt know what hit them.

Anonymous said...

All the best for the paper alpha...

-fishy

Anonymous said...

Gulluck, gulluck.

GratisGab said...

how this suit I want to see...pictures please!

:-) said...

Alpha, pleaaaaahse read my blog and leave a comment. pleaaaaaahse. I promise I have clean stuff on my blog and rerated my blog to pg13.

Grabby: I need a hug. I am feeling lonely. Btw, how is you?

Anonymous said...

just curious alpha, hjow come you mutated from alpha to alpha-2? i used to read you a long time ago, then lost track, and now am back thanks to your comment on gratis gab's maharaja.

- s.b.

ps: i want to sign off as anonymousu or anonymous-2.5 but i don't want to be that anonymous, so i remain ... some body.

bloghopper said...

MTR ready to eat upma, pongal and kesari bath all cost the same. Why do they have different points in your case ? A berry berry bad deal for pi !

bloghopper said...

My bad, this was a comment for your "Get Rewards" post ! Not sure what I have been smoking off late !

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