Boy, I am so glad that I camped in real cold conditions before Pittsburgh winters got extremely obnoxious like today. The winds howl in antagonizing horror, the snowflakes perform their last intoxicated dance before self destructing and the temperatures have frozen my bile juices. But I am unperturbed. I am well conditioned to tackle the worst. After all, I spent quality time in Utah camping out in the cold. I had almost lost my limbs walking in ice-cold water for a whole day and since that didn’t kill me, I have emerged stronger. ‘Pfft!’ and ‘Pah!’ at the weather trying to scare with a measly chill. ‘Haha!’ at freezing temperatures. I have endured the worst 25 miles thinking my limbs might have to be amputated due to frost bite (that too hiking in an obscure desert and not really the Mount Everest). Such risks I have taken. So what is mere two blocks in city winter? My skin has transformed into thick dinosaur hide and all the cracks have been sealed with Vaseline. I am having a real smug feeling about the Kilimanjaro glacier that I might have to spend considerable time on. Should be a piece of cake without the frosting. This year’s winter will be a breeze, a warm one at that!
Such becoming thoughts enveloped me as I sat in the coffee shop sipping hot fancy-named-awful-tasting latte and stuffing my face with Black forest. That is a part of my training regime to tackle the extreme weathers. No one has seen a skinny Eskimo!
I paid the cashier with a cheery disposition that only a confident winter veteran could muster. And I opened the door and walked out...
I made it!... To the book store which happened to have a door connected from the coffee shop. I tried poking my nose out and had to withdraw inside real quick. Shuddered, thawed, checked my bearings, checked my heart-beat, ran to the nearest fireplace and picked up my cell phone.
Boogles, come pick me up now!
Yeah, the same bookstore you dropped me off at!
I know! It’s just that I forgot to carry the third pair of gloves, the monkey cap and chemical hand-warmers.
Oh just beat it, Kilimanjaro is definitely not this cold!