Thursday, September 01, 2005

Stay still, my heart!

This whole thing sucks. When you haven’t written a darn exam for years, I’m telling you it’s not advisable to start writing one now (at least not as a hobby). I am a bag of nerves thinking that I will flunk for the first time in my life (please note that it will be my FIRST time). If the exam was tomorrow, you think I would fret so much? At that time, I could leave it to fate..but now the onus is on me! Not even two months to go, I haven’t even mastered two chapters of the 85 (doubters like Zoheb can contact me for official site proving that there are indeed 85 chapters). All I am doing is turning down party invites and pacing up and down my apartment, trying to avoid furniture in my path. Shucks! There is no space to even pace around here! This is so frustrating!!!!

People tell me it’s OK to flunk. There is always the option of taking it again. So many people do take this exam at least four times till they pass (please note this also). Four times? Equating to 12 months of preparing and having no life! Also, can you imagine what kind of standards I will be setting for my grandchildren? I can never tell my children to go inside and study. My husband will be first to take them aside and let them know that their mom wasn’t all that smart as she makes it out to be. Ah, the woes of future parenthood!

I am told to look at the Somalian refugees and the homeless in Chicago. I could also compare my position with the women in Iraq. Let me tell you a freaky thing- I am willing to bet on my befuddled brain that these women in Iraq must be looking at me for solace. They must be going- ‘At least we don’t have to write an exam like that girl in Chicago!’

Wait, something good did come out of this. Pi has decided to work on his Phd and try finishing it! I guess a person can take sleeping, watching TV and loitering around aimlessly only for so long. This is of course a ploy to avert me from his real intentions. He doesn’t want to be told to cook, clean and give me any sympathy. We both spend enough energy looking at each other from the corner of our eyes for any movement from our respective study material. When he gets up for peeing, I suddenly sit up and exclaim, “Aha! There you go fooling around again. If you have nothing to do, go make some dinner or brush your teeth.”

As a result, we’ve been living off of bread crumbs the crows deposit at our window sill. Fungi have bought out real estate in our bathroom. Instead of table cloth, we have layers of dirt. To give it some pattern, we just have to run our fingers in a zigzag way or write formulae.

He had better not know I wrote this post or I have a grocery list coming!!!

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

no bloggers day is complete without a rant from you.
i think i've reading your blog for the past 2 years now.its original and straight from the heart.
happy bloggers day, girl.
(now, u are free to print this out , frame it just in case your kids/grandchildren doubt your brillance)
and my prayers always work, so fret not.
anon(see i have a name)

Anonymous said...

Alpha baby, i totally sympat ize with you...but just cant stop rolling on the floor laughing...good luck sweetheart ...

Anonymous said...

:-) : the previous comment was by me...

Mustang said...

:o you mean to say that you are blogging when you should have been cooking or doing laundry or cleaning dishes... whtever happened to time management skills!

Zoheb said...

By the time I subtracted all the lies in this post, I was left with only two and a half sentences. Alpha should join politics or become a lawyer or something. Transportation engg just doesn't cut it :-)

alpha said...

anon1: thank you much. Will need to find a frame.

smiley: I could trust you on that!

anon2: I apologize. your comment was removed. I did some damage-control as I had a surge of aftermath regret. didn't mean to come out like that.

musty: very bad indeed! shh..don't tell.

zo: Am curious about those 2 and a half sentences. Apart from the sentence about us eating the crow's leftovers, which is the true sentence? I give up.
I heard lawyers have a BAR exam..no freakin way! politics? I might have to start reading the newspaper! no way!

anantha said...

Alpha: The comment about Sholay and the Mouse Trap got to you? Chal re.. jaa.. padayi kar. We will wait for you...:)

alpha said...

anti! yes I guess that did it.:)))

Parna said...

give Pi a break and bake a pie for him. maybe his heart will melt and the next dinner/lunch will be his to cook.

anumita said...

Take this as a break from housework and enjoy the studying. And they say there is no dust in foreign houses!

Anonymous said...

LOL..that bit about you and Pi living off bread crumbs left by crows was cool :D..err i mean sad :P.

good luck with exam preparations.

Ashwin
www.infinitelimits.blogspot.com

toinks said...

Dear Alphamma,
Remember how you used to drop by my blog and gloat when I was slogging my butt out trying to cram American Litt and Critical appreciation of literary sciences?
You don't?
Thought as much.

But I know today ... there is a God... and she ROCKS!

muhahahahahahahahahaha ...

:D

ok ok ok ... you also have my sympathy... and empathy.

cheers~

Parmanu said...

"Instead of table cloth, we have layers of dirt." Reminds me of the time Colours was preparing for her GMAT. (Don't ask me what I was doing then).

Good luck for the exams. Cleaning up the mess later would be no less easy, I promise.

JW said...

Lol!

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

hmmm...onga maamiyarkku therinja yenna solluva? paavam chella paiyan fungus oda kudumbam nadatharannu varthapaduva... these maadern girls i tell you

alpha said...

parna: why all this sympathy for pi? Out of the five years, did he have to chose this particular time to work on his research?

anumita: You talk like Pi. He saw no dust coz I would clean. But there is some amount of dust. I live close to a busy street. No dust if you don't open windows. but it is anyday lesser than India.

ashwin: how come there are no talks of 'give me address, I will send you home cooked food'

toinks: sha! Never in my wildest dream would I have gloated...Well, even if I did (for lack of proof otherwise), never in my life would I have thought of taking revenge like this.

parmanu: Do you know how to dust things? We have stopped expecting much from you. So don't worry. Just go and lay in the lawn and watch planes.

shufie: Did you call me fungus by any chance? Maamiyar will be so happy to note that I don't cut onions the wrong way. These days no cutting at all!

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

shocking i say! would i call u fungus? i meant the fungus that u've been subletting ur apt to... also what all this talk about vengaayam?

alpha said...

shufie, more shocking, I say!.. he is kudumbam nadathufying with the folks who sublet our apt?!..aiyyooo! wot to do..where to go?

oh vengaayam is cooking scrutiny that only mamiyaars are capable of..how wud you know..you have maamiyaar who's in love with you and a guy who is in love with thaiyir saadam.

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

sorry to hear aboutur better half's excessive lowe for fungus... what to do - indha purushaale ipdi thaan!

tru my mil lowes me and my hubby lowes thayir sadam! kuduthu vechava naan!(as in myself - not north indian bread)

anantha said...

Alpha/Shoe fiend: Rotflmao at all the talk of vengayams (onions), thayir saadham (curd rice), maamiyaars (Mother in laws) and naans (Indian bread)! But ladies, pray tell me, whats all this about the right way to cut onions? Hmmmmm...you ladies all sound like my mom. The time she was giving me cooking lessons, she used to rap my knuckle on my left hand whenever I used it to stir the saambhar... Baaah.. even those poor guys who make sarakku with glass powder, lime and battery fluid in the suburbs of Chennai do not follow such rules and they get such potent concotions made painlessly. Cutting onions the right way, it seems!

Alpha: But you know what Alpha, you should let Pi guest blog here once ;) All of us will have a field day talking to him for a change......lmao!

alpha said...

anti: whadya mean by calling us moms? Fungus was much better on second thoughts.
Nope, I dont have any illusions of knowing the right way to cut onions. that be the mil department. potent saraayam unnakku yedukku da? you be high anyways. inge konchum thallu.

Pi and blog? hah! that is an interesting idea..i'll see how it pans out in my household. I may have to bribe him with you being our house cleaner for a month.

anantha said...

Alpha: I am not calling you "mom". Alpha bua, mebbe. But then I was just alluding to the fact that, the moment young ladies get married, the maternal traits start lording over other inherent characteristics that they may have. So you suddenly start thinking about learning how to cut onions the right way or learn to paint glass and what not.
Why do YOU need potent sarayam [*]. Padikara vayasula saarayam? [**]...hmmm...Go and study! :p
Yippeee, you ARE planning to ask Pi? Mebbe he can take over this blog in your absence ;)
Nah, you don't have to bribe him (though I might be willing to take that job offer, if it is an all expenses paid project). You just tell him that his thondars [***] are waiting for him to express his thoughts on life and things like that.

For the benefit of Alpha's non-Tam readers (incl. Alpha herself, maybe)
* Country liquor
** Why do you need country liquor at an age when you should be studying?
*** Supporters/followers

Ash said...

Hehe ... so hmmm, what do you think Pi was upto when you snuck off to write this post ?

:)

Patrix said...

NEVER failed, eh? now thatz some gloating :) well, there is always a first time....hehehe..just kidding. Best of luck, you know, I know that you are going to do well...stop fishing for BoLs (Best of Luck)

GratisGab said...

LOl! Pi is banking on Alpha hitting the GTL (Gross Tolerance Limit) and cleaning up the whole place and making it spic and span. Along with Pi (behind his ears et al):)

Anonymous said...

Alpha ben, glad you took my advice of removing that piece. But did you also have to remove my comment ? :)

anon2

alpha said...

anti: you are the funniest man. Not only are you providing glossary meanings to your tamil, but also to mine.. haha!
My readers don't read my post well enough to spend time on the comments. But between you and me, we at least are on the same page. My tamil isn't to your par.

ash & Patty: I thought you guys were far apart now.

Ash: I was at work..so I dont know. thinking of securing a candid camera at home.

Patty: I hope you were refering to 'gloating'

anon2: yes ofcourse..you call me ben and don't even understand so much.

alpha said...

gabby! yes i am getting there! i am not touching behind his ears.

Zoheb said...

Arre, this gal is lying inside out. Pi has been cooking and cleaning for the past 5 years. Now Pi also has teach alpha all the civil engg. she did not learn. This is not the first time she is failing. So many people taking this exam for 4 years includes alphas three attempts last year. She has been living off crow deposits all these years. So this is nothing new. I could go on, but this girl could end up arrested and get deported, so I am stopping now.

alpha said...

zo, where are the smileys in your comment?

anantha said...

Alpha: Ya, I know I am funny! Sometimes I am so funny that it seems that the world lacks a sense of humor. Kya karen. Sab hotha hai...

Zoheb said...

I am serious. So no smileys.

AmitL said...

LOL...Twin,this is sooo interesting...good luck to u and Pi for your respective exams.:)And,well,I decided to postpone any thoughts I had of checking out ur culinary expertise,after reading this post.Tips for writing an exam after so long:Eat 5 badaams a day,for good memory.:)(At least u'll have something to blame in case it does not work)

Ravages said...

Padikara vayasula saarayam?

anti: Machaan, brilliant. Alphakka, yen indha vendada velai? padippu, booklam mootai katti vechappuram,
Am thankful my dad hasn't yet discovered your blog You're setting a bad example. He's been forcing me to get back to college and I keep saying let the seniors do it first.

Twilight Fairy said...

you forgot to add the new cobweb curtains you just procured..
maybe you can try wearing a white sari and carrying a candle while pacing that house.. that would scare Pi into doing something about the place :)

Saltwater Blues said...

good luck Alpha

Rash said...

You don't get maids in those parts, do you? Sorry, am feeling evil :). Good luck with getting the man to work.

Krithiga said...

Alpha, I symphathize with you. First Nerdy Neelu, now Pi. *tries very hard to stop typing anything else about any other greek **gulp** family members* Shall I send Iota for help? I can hear you screaming Ayyo Da.

thennavan said...

Alpha, and you still find time to post and reply to comments?

:-)

anantha said...

Krithika: Nerdy Neelu? Hmmmm....

Thennavan: Kelungo, nalla kelungo :D lol...

phatichar said...

:) all the best to both of you. I only hope you don't grow weeds around yourself...

Krithiga said...

Anti: What was that thoughtful "Hmmm..." for? You name is not "Neelakanta Shastri" or "Neelu" for short, is it?

anantha said...

Krithika: No, out of the blue, you started talking about "Nerdy Neelu". So, wondered who that was :p

Suma said...

Look who I found!!

Anonymous said...

Changed my name, btw. In case you're wondering who that was, it's me, 'Maddie' :D.

prasad said...

hey alpha beti, u shud've listened to leela n settled here in dubai. no exams. the best bit is, no crows ... the grocery man delivers the crumbs 2 ur hsehold ... also no dust ... only sand settles everywhere, incl table tops .. also pi can marry upto 4, so u'll hav 3 others 2 clean up ... sounds good? .. rethinking?? .. wil help u on ur asking! ...

Anonymous said...

to think that i rant about my workouts- i need to take a lesson or two from you on the how tos of effective complaining.
good luck anyways......

m

prasad said...

forgot to wish u all the luck beti .. ne ways, it's not life shattering ... and it's open book. so give the exam n rush back here to relax in dubai ..... game??

alpha said...

Amit: Thanks..I love blaming stuff on people and badams. Awww…never knew this would work in trying to keep you at bay.:)

Ravages: Why shud we let your dad know? Drink and let drink… study and I leave.

Krithika: You are confusing me again. NN is not family member. Ayoo da!

anti: somewhere in that magalore post below, i have linked to NN..if your turned away head is bursting to know.

Fairyji: My god..reliving your dreams through my domestic issues. I charge heavy fees for ideas.

Saltwaterblues: thankooo!

Rash: so long I thought you were a disgustingly sweet person…but you are worse than me!

Thens: poda..vellaiye paaru. Becoz of you I had to wait for a week to comment. It was tough!

Phats: There is a ‘weed’ around ourselves.. if you know tamil, that joke would fall flat. If you don’t, good for me.

Madddieeeeeedooo! Welcome back..where the heck were you? What is this Suma I say..cha cha! Looks like it fell off my name.

Prasadum: wow! What opportunities.. I already like Dubai (keep a four bedroom house ready)… The other 3 wives..can I chose? I have some manly ones in mind.

M: That’s not a good thing to learn from anyone..

Krithiga said...

No, no, I'm steady, Nerdy Neelu was once a third cousin of your cousin Omega four times removed. On the other side, Neelu is also the fourth cousin of Pi, three times removed. Clear? ;)

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