Sunday, May 07, 2006

Get Rewards

Pi is a sucker to deals. Coupons and frequent flyer miles occupy a large part of his left-brain while his right brain scans the Internet for more. His outer brain keeps track of all the extra miles we would need to fly business class to somewhere in Idaho, while his inner brain keeps track of the time I forgot to use that ‘one dollar off’ coupon for a facial service. Oh, I had to take that spa appointment (against my wishes of course) so that we could use the coupon.

If the American consumer market can make a slave out of my hubby, maybe I can too. So I devised a similar system at home.

Dear Pi,

Exciting times ahead. Join the Alpha GOLD Club (Globally Opted Locally Devised). Free membership for this exclusive single member club (promotional one time offer). Easy redemption of points. Start collecting them now.

Bear hug when required- 5 points
Vacuuming the apartment- 10 points
Laundry- no points (that’s under the initial contract)
Grocery shopping- 15 points
Cleaning the bathroom- 20 points
Turning off the TV for 10 minutes- 25 points
Cooking a meal- 50 points
Not telling friends that I cried while watching a movie- 75 points
Not harassing me when I don’t use coupons- 100 points
Gazing at stars and going on walks together- 500 points


To redeem your Gold points, see catalogue below.

Upma- 100 points (for five bathroom cleanings, I think this is a deal)
Pongal – 500 points (I can see this product not selling)
Kesari bath- 1500 points (A die for! Maybe I ought to hire an advertising agency)
Apple Pie- 2000 points (Yum! Wait! What if ‘I’ want to eat this now? I have to wait for four moonlight walks... that’s a freaking lifetime!)
Ready meals- 5000 points (this is looking more like a Shanti Sagar menu)
Will change toilet paper roll when done- 5500 points (actually this is worth only 50 points.. but what the heck.. will make it look like torture)
Back rub- 10000 points (you think this might prompt the use of external services?)
Will not nag for a day- 20000 points (more realistic approach)
Will hang out with your geeky friends- 30000 points (it’s better to make sweeping generalizations)
Will use coupons and watch out for points during one shopping visit- 50000 points
Sex – er.. Priceless or 100000 points, whichever is lower. (Maybe this should not be included in this list or I’ll be the one starved)

Thanks for being a future loyal customer and helping us serve you better everyday. Terms and Conditions will be posted after we have translated it to Greek.

Sincerely,
Alpha

Still in Beta version. This list will be expanded. Will keep you posted if this breakthrough product helped in procuring me a slave or if it was trashed before reading.

20 comments:

anantha said...

Just wondering. if these points of urs are like Jap currency! Pi really has it easy then ;)

Hardu said...

No wonder Pi is running away to a different city for his new job. ;)

Dreamcatcher said...

'Laundry- no points (that’s under the initial contract)'
you had an initial contract then, very cool and very clever. point taken.

:-) said...

Hey, is this list just for Pi? I am a huge fan of apple pie too. :-)

alpha said...

anti: er...who cares which currency as long as we ge our way.

hardu: more on that later.:)

dreamcatcher: please note all important points. he also washes dishes.

:-): for you, the apple pie will come free..no need to take 4 moonlight walks with me.

anantha said...

Alpha: Its all about demand and supply. It seems in Japan, Sony digicams are so cheap that even street vendors sell them like vegetables at Zam Bazar. Its all about the exchange rate baby! So again, if your points are like the Jap curreny, then Pi has it easy.

Anonymous said...

the ...errr ...last point (how do I strike through my comment for added effect?) must also fall under the same "inital contract" that was invoked to when laundrt services were referred to. of course this is a husband's party speaking, so pliss to take with pinch of salt.

- s.b.

AmitL said...

LOL...Twin,that's a good deal,I'd say..Pi should be pretty pleased.:)Only one thing you forgot- what about the freebies which are given to loyal members??Perhaps that's part of the final version?P.S. I hope no other wives read this post..could be contagious.Hahaha.:)

alpha said...

anti: did you just call me baby? Wonder what the Japs would have to say abt that...or pi for that matter.

sb: initial contact was subject to change..esp after five years of marriage. and husband's party? Who enrolled you in there?

amit: see, exactly what i was telling pi. its a great deal.

Anonymous said...

alpha:

if five years, and you are still thinking 'initial contact' (sic) i really pity poor pi. :-)

my wife. duh! you need to side w/ husbands or wifes, unless of course, umm... oh well.

- s.b.

alpha said...

s.b- haha! Okay..we do still think of initial contact and wonder what went wrong. as long as you side with whoever your wife is comfortable with, you are ok.

bloghopper said...

If MTR ready to eat upma, pongal and kesari bath can cost the same, why do they have differnet points on your scheme ? Poor Pi, he's got a very bad deal :)

alpha said...

bloghopper: :). I think you got the raw end of the deal if your wife treats you to MTR ready to eats!

anantha said...

Alpha: We meant to pay you a compliment with that "baby". We did not want the world to think of you as a old hag. We will go back to calling you "bua", if you dont like the compliment. :p

Anonymous said...

i agree your blog is funny and you have won some award and all. but frankly, my all time funny blog is this one --> http://theindian.blogspot.com/

unfortunately, i guess he got found out when he gave one detail too many on the blog, and is now chained to the dungeon by his better half (since his paris trip, maybe?).

well, at least, pi will enjoy reading this blog ... (the author is a card carrying member of the husbands' party, you see). yenzoy.

- s.b.

alpha said...

anti: please change your name da..i feel sorry for you.when i have started feeling sorry, its really a sorry state of affairs.

s.b: you are right..i read a bit and the guy is hilarious. but, keeping my fragile female ego in mind..please be rewording above sentence to- You might want to check one of my favorite blogger who I think is funny too(link).

Married and no diplomacy? Thats the first one.

anantha said...

alpha: Sorry for me? Why? I don't have a broken leg!

WA said...

Who has a broken leg?

Apple pie and custard, yummy

Patrix said...

Any effect on Pi yet on this very-innovative GOLD scheme (note to myself: keep it away from Ash's eyes)

BTW, this might be in non-beta stage if Pi fails to accumulate 100,000 points required for sex. I hope you get the pun; pls.don't ask me to explain.

alpha said...

lol patty! gotcha.you know we understand all your silly puns..however punny they might not be. oh well, this scheme hasn't really taken off famously. must do revision looks like.