I must be mad. I spent a fortune buying gifts for a whole bunch of strangers. No, they are not poor or homeless (God forbid); they aren’t even expecting gifts. Forget thanking me for this gesture, they won’t even acknowledge it. But I still have to give them something that they will not cherish and will not remember me by. As years go by, strangely enough, my gift will probably be passed on to some other stranger.
‘Cooochie cooochie! Look what aunty Alpha got you. A bouncing .. ermm… flashing...what the heck is this called?’ I ask, as the baby looks at me like one would look at something completely nondescript as a milk bottle.
The mom knows exactly what it is and I see her eyes lighting with excitement at the sight of gift receipt. She thinks, ‘ She has no clue what babies need. Yes! I shall return that ugly thing and buy diapers instead.’
I must keep these parents happy as they are somehow connected to this stranger who has invaded their lives and has taken them away from me. This is my way of appeasing them, pledging my solidarity to this little drool machine while claiming their love back, even if it has to be for that minute when they say, ‘Awww, such a cute little dress. So thoughtful of you. You shouldn’t have.’
I look at them with soulful eyes that say, ‘You still like me, don’t you?’ To which they look at their bundle of crap filled diaper and go, ‘Googoo doll, you poopooed again! Little darling. Let me clean you up. Alpha, go wash your hands and just hold her legs like this.’
Priceless moments, these. Yet they will ask me, ‘Don’t you feel compelled to have one?’
Maternal instincts are getting extinct at an alarming rate. Actually the babies are cute and cuddly and very well deserve the little ducky booties on their tiny adorable feet. But seriously speaking, what’s the difference between this crapping baby and the random baby wailing in the Air India flight - the parents of course. They are the reason why crapping baby gets gifts from aunty Alpha. While I don't hold one baby against the other, deep inside I like the one in the flight, comepletely oblivious to my affection. At least that baby wasn't the cause of this rant.