Thursday, May 18, 2006

A love story that started with La loo (French for toilet)

Some years ago in college, Building Drawing class-

Professor: What is this I say, why is there no toilet in your house plan, eh?

Student: Sasura pagla gaye ho ka? Oo ka hai ki humra Bihar ma, khetwa hi humra sandas hovat. Ab ismein hamri ka galti hai? (In Bihar, we use the fields)

I laughed and looked back. That is when I noticed Roshan Mishra. He blushed, the color of his face fighting to dominate the color of his paan stained teeth. Gabbar Singh of Sholay fame is rumored to have been modeled after our Rossan Missra. ‘Arey o Chamakchalo! Coming to home?’ he called out to me.

I turned around quick and didn’t dare to look back.

But the romance had blossomed even before the seed of the fateful apple tree was sown. I was duly sent flowers to my hostel signed- I love you.- Roshan Mishra.

Ewwww! (Every successful romance starts with utter disgust, said a wise man, who obviously didn't account for Roshan Mishra or hungover Cupid)

Then I got a greeting card which I regret not preserving for posterity. It said something like- I love you. You looking very cueit in the pink dress. Ware today.- Roshan (I am VP frend)

Yikes! He’s getting all cozy now and he also threatened me with the VP link. Rabri devi, ma, meri raksha karo! (Save me!) Why do I have to look so cute to Biharis in particular? Why does my laughter have to have that Jhumritalaiya ring to it? Bhy, I mean why? I need therapy now!

Pink salwar-kameez was pushed to the bottom-most part of my shelf with a hazardous warning scribbled all over it.

But he had full faith in his charms and my weak melting heart. Next thing I know, I got a gift. A framed pencil sketch of something that was supposedly me. I have to admit, it wasn’t as bad as his building plans. It was in fact, way-off-the-charts better than me.



My friends were moved to tears. They urged me to consider going with him to the land of Laloo and help propagating the Mishra family in hopes of increasing the literacy rate in Bihar by a whole percentage (I do realize that is a lot of kids). My so called friends also called me ruthless and bought me ‘Unlearn English in 30 days’ so that Ross and I wouldn’t have comoonicassan (rhymes with Kamal Hassan) problems.

Somehow, heartlessly so, I didn’t choose the life that would have fetched me fresh warm buffalo milk on daily basis, but I did read the book (which explains my English today). In Ross’s honor, I have taken to backpacking because when I stay in tents, I have to go out to answer nature’s calls. Just like in Bihar.

57 comments:

Chenthil said...

Wah, wah. What a love story, you had your own "Ek Tuje Ke Liye" opportunity and lost it :-)

alpha said...

chenthil: you mean I jump into some nearby waterfalls? Why should I give you all that kinda relief?

anantha said...

Chenthil: Yes, perhaps a lost Ek Duje Ke Liye story, except that Rosaan would be the one saying - Yeh Rumba rumba kya hai! No wait, who are we kidding! Why would Alpha talk in Tamil, rather how will she?

Alpha: So you still keep those pencil sketches? Hmmm....

alpha said...

anti (we will continue to call you anti till you come up with a name that is suitable to us): if pencil sketch looks better than me, i keep it...and its also a good reminder for Pi (for obv reasons) we obv won't tell him that the guy couldn't talk English and his talent (apart from drawing girls) was to spit paan the furthest.

alpha said...

rgd ek duje ke liye..plz don't make me learn Bihari and plz plz don't get me isstuck in elevator-wa with him.

Ravages said...

Erm...chenthil stole my line. Dude, you bad bad boy Chenthil.

Ravages said...

Listen, perhaps Rossan soon became Ramji londonwaley and earned potloads of money. So you be regretting your mistake now

Roshan Mishra said...

hi,

i do read your blog and never expected you to be talking about us!!!!!!!!

alpha said...

Ross: gulp, not only you are making pot loads of money (according to ravages) you are talking in engliss too. aiala! wasted opportunities..and er..what do you mean by 'us'?

Roshan Mishra said...

well...if you are still hanging onto the sketch, it just shows how much you must think of me.

and finding out how much i earn, umm...i smell something..

btw, i am still available..

alpha said...

Ross baby, as far as i know..you are married with a 3 year old son named after me. not only did i hold on to sketch, i closely followed your life.

and that smell..its my photo you are burning to drink with milk like you do everyday(ek duje ke liye issstyle)

roshan mishra said...

and that smell..its my photo you are burning to drink with milk like you do everyday(ek duje ke liye issstyle)

huh?????

anantha said...

Now its really Ek Duje Ke Liye, with Rossan singing I dont know what you say. I dont know dont know what you say! :D

alpha said...

ross, you are obviously not an ek duje ke liye fan like every other person here..we'll think of other movies to star in like Chambal Ghat ki Kushboo.

anti: lol...don't expect me to sing 'you are handsome..jaan lo'

roshan said...

*.* known here as alpha,

u were the one who sent me the flowers and sent the card. i still have the card and will email it to u and the readers, as proof. ;-)

in response to the card, i sent u the nice sketch that one roadside wallah drew.

the commentor formerly called as roshan mishra said...

hmmm ... former anti, now we are on level terms.

bloghopper said...

Now this story kind of resembles "kuch kuch hota hai". I am hoping alpha-jr will re-unite rossan and alpha. Now that alpha is all potty-trained for the fields, there should be no more problems. Except now, you cannot sing kuch kuch hota hai in the fields :)

alpha said...

ross: plz to send roadside wala's name and road address. I will send more orders.

bh: are you aware you are tapkoing Pi for no fault of his? And worse...making him sit in white color jhula with white kurta and doves mandraoing around an obscenely large moon.

please to be considering viewer's rating before thinking of such things.

WA said...

ROTFL, Alpha you really are the best. Love you and your blog

PS: I swear I never lie, honestly

bloghopper said...

This blog was always about you and your sexcapades. Even otherwise, pi isnt getting a raw deal at all. Look at it this way, pi gets to play apna sallu-bhai, flex his non-existent muscles, even drop his shirt and/or sing a duet with you :)

Chakri said...

this is getting to be more of a discussion forum than alphu's blog.

hey, not complaining!!.

it is all fun to read.

Patrix said...

You seem to strangely attract all the Bihari ruffians :) I still remember your "hum man hai ya machine". Ever consider doing Main Aaie Hoon UP Bihar Lootne for them

AmitL said...

LOL..Twin,see what u lost out on by one rash decision?hahaha...imagine,warm buffalo milk,good English,maybe even a portfolio with the great Mr. Laloo...sigh..and,u landed up in simple ole US of A..

phatichar said...

arre ee postwa to poore chchapra ko hi hila diya!

Aqua said...

awwww. what a cute love story... and that was quite a good pencil sketch...who knows...he could have become a major artist painter types and could be dedicating all his paintings to you :)

Aqua said...

and the comments are as entertaining as the post if not more. Alpha - i loved your "burning photo and drinking in milk comment"..had me in splits.

too bad the person posing as rosan missra's hindi phillum knowledge is not as vast as us.

Hardu said...

He he he. Really good post.

BTW, it must have been difficult commenting both as Roshan and as you. Right? :P

:-) said...

LOL...rhymes with Kamal Hassan

WA said...

aNTi - I request you not to insult Alpha's tamil skills with comments like 'rather how will she'. Do note that she has offered to proof read my posts in Gilli. Deivame

alpha said...

WA: thanks thanks...why did you have to add that last line and cause me suspicion?

but yes, i am glad you have taken it upon yourself to keep a tab on Anti's behavior. I will not only proof read your posts, I might start my own tamil blog to rival gilli..called silli.

bh: seskapades? wow..must put that on the title of the blog..will double readership for sure. and if they get bugged seeing stupid bihari kiddie crushes and no sesk, i'll turn them to you to provide.

patrix: humri kilass ma, Bihar had relocated... if i had known that, i would gone to Bihar to study.

amit: dont make me regret more than i already am.

phatichar: aji dhanyawaad.

aqua: thank god at least you got the photo burning thing. i wasn't kidding when i said he wasn't the smartest cookie around.

hardu: me as rossan? i haven't gone mad yet... give me a couple more years and i'll talk like you also.

smiley: :) doing good buddy?

anantha said...

Misraji: Rukhawat ke liye khedh hai! Pliss to continue. We will watch.

WA: We are not insulting. We are just making sure no one potrays Alpha incorrectly. We are a "nalam-virumbhi" as you (and Alpha too) are ;)
And see, now she is trying to go one up on you with "Silly"!

*ROTFL after imagining Sukhwinder Singh sing "Silly... Silly... Silly..."!

Hardu said...

If it was not you as rossan, then you must have bribed someone to put up comments acting as rossan. What was the bribe? :P

alpha said...

anti, better change your name back to anti or deal with even rossan missra making fun of you...tho i admit it was a good one..seems like i am falling for ross here.

hardu: why hardu why? shud i take agni pratiksha to prove thet i had nothing to do with this rossan?
but if u insist, the bribe was 'your hand in marriage'... psst, he's more than 12th std pass.

bloghopper said...

alpha, you have now started talking rossan's lingo. How else would one essplaane pratiksa ?

alpha said...

er..parikssa..darn...you are too sharp and jobless.

WA said...

Alpha/aNTi - How rude! I am actually very proud of my writing in Gilli. All I can say aNTi is.... poraamai :P

alpha said...

wa: well of course, u ought to be and u ought to be prepared for jealous individuals who cant write tamil. why does that stop me from coming up with another website?

WA said...

HaHa Alpha, that was aimed more at aNTi than you. I wisely decided a long time ago to only pick on guys :) aNTi I stick to my words, over poraamai.

anantha said...

WA: Yes.. over poramai ennaku! :p

GratisGab said...

LOL! This is awesome :)

Rationale said...

Hahaaa! "La loo" hahaha. Good one!

And to think you had to make up this whole story to explain how your self-potrait turned out this way... Looks like someone I know... but who?

:-) said...

yeah kind of.

Here is the question I wanted to ask but never asked.

What happened to your exam?

Hardu said...

No no alpha! I refuse to get married to someone who is already married! I cannot do that to his wife and kid. :P

D.N.A. said...

Pathi, pathni aur woh! Rosasan saab zindabad!

Grey Shades said...

Well as they say, Life comes a full circle! :)

anumita said...

No biharis taking offence? You are lucky, Alpha, nobody's taking rebhenge on you by sending threat to rep you!

Anonymous said...

nice sketch alphu!
looks like you were quite a "figure" in your good old days!! ;) :)

Ashwin

Tinky Toinkers said...

Damn! If I didnt know better, I would say ke saare Bihari romeos send prospective juliets pencil potraits. I know of two other instances of the same. Maybe I dont know better. Maybe they have resident pencil artist. Maybe.... *now you say, oho...appidiya...* :p

alpha said...

toinky: appidiya?! would like to see if your portrait was better than mine..and then will have word with mr missra on hiring bad artists.

ash: only face is seen..where did the figure come from?

anu: shaay! all the threats I got compensated for all the threats I might ever get.

smiley: which exam?

greyshades: dont tell me i'll be taking building drawing class sometime soon.

rationale: self portrait? I would have made myself much cuter..hadn't that occured to you?

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