Thursday, July 06, 2006

But I Love Their Sandwiches

Day 1.

‘Indian?’ asked the equally Indian looking lady behind the Subway counter.

I nodded and smiled genially.

Day 2.

‘Try this Southwest Chipotle sauce. Bahut accha hai.’

I nodded and smiled genially. I ate sandwich with Southwest Chipotle sauce.

Day 3

‘Have a cookie. Rakh lo beta. No, no, I am not charging you for that.’

I couldn’t believe this. Me, who doesn’t even win a single pepsi can in lotteries, is getting a free cookie from strange Indian lady. I ate sandwich with Southwest Chipotle sauce and free cookie.

Day 4

‘This sandwich is on me.’

Woah! Hold it lady. Next you’ll give me your shop and I don’t think I can handle this business. I ate free sandwich with Southwest Chipotle sauce and free cookie.

She came and sat next to me , 'Beta, where do you work? What is your caste?'

‘Brahmin? That’s ok. I think we can adjust.’

‘You must meet my son. He owns this store. Have you seen him? He is 45 and we are having a hard time finding a bride.’

I broke the news of my long standing torrid affair with my husband expecting an uncomfortable apology and maybe another white chocolate macadamia cookie for peace.

She got up and walked off unceremoniously. Luckily she didn’t grab the last bit of the cookie that was being stuffed in a hurry.

That’s when I realized I was her investment, a risky one at that. It would have been better if she was selling Amway products. I could have at least thrown a few curses and walked out in a huff. A 45 year old? Aiala!! Wonder if Botox is the way to go.

Strange encounters with Subway women don’t end there. So as you would have guessed, I stopped going to that place. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with the trauma of not getting free stuff anymore. I tried another Subway joint. Again an Indian lady behind the counter. Much younger and hipper. She spoke incessantly without ever letting me interrupt her for what I wanted on the sub. ‘Err..I don’t want those onions.’

‘Forget that, what I was saying is my husband comes to work at 5 pm. Till then I have to run this store. For a graduate from NIFT, I don't think I deserve this. I was better off attending parties in Delhi. Now I have three kids. I know it doesn’t look like that…..’

I got to eat what she thought was good for me. Even as I ate, she managed to leave her work to somebody else and continued her yak sessions with me. I munched on my lunch and she spoke about the travails of living in the US as a bread-wali. 'Imagine what my friends in Delhi must be thinking of me... yada yada... zardosi sarees...yada yada...'

Today she couldn’t get off from her duties (silent prayer of thanks), so she quickly ran towards me and slipped her phone number.

‘Give me a call. We should go on a date on Sunday.’

Whatever it is, I better get busy looking for another Subway restaurant in the area.


bloghopper said...

Ha ha .. thats why I told you to get pi into slavery and get those onions (there you go again !) and other veggies (much better !!) chopped for a home-made sub. You oughta listen to me ;)

Zoheb said...

You shud have gone for the Subway guy. Subway seems to be your fave place anyway.- C'mon, he is just a few years older.

s! said...

hehe, you're certainly drawing a lot of Subway attention!

Anonymous said...

Go for the subway guy. Then you can yap all you want with the other subway lady, about the travails of living in the US as a bread-wali :0 You two would have so much in common.

C said...

I had the mom of a 35 yr old doctor living in Buffalo Grove ask me that. So, we should hook those 2 up. So, free medical checkups and free subs for life.

you know me.

Patrix said...

LOL@ Zoheb.

I wonder how the heck is he still alive.

alpha said...

bloghopper: I would love them to be shipped from california if you don't mind.

zo: I knew it! You are a turtle that lives for 500 years inside a shell..hence 15 years would be a few years for you.

s: yeah too much attention.

anon: going for the subway guy is ruled out till i find someone for Pi who can give him more grief that I do.

c: 35 year old woman? haha! that's even worse than this. Here I can still give the old lady a benefit of doubt..that she thought i was 20.

patty: How dare you lolify at my plight! I'll give you a grace period of 2 days. Eat all your favorite food and be ready!

Hehhhhhhhhhhh said...

The old lady thought you were 20 ? She must be at least 90 to have lost that of sight n sense. Which means son is wayyy above 45 too. You can safely marry him, will inherit store in no time.

Mebbe you can push the ma in law to Pi. She'll give him free sauce.

shub said...

hehe! now when Pi refuses to do the dishes, you can always threaten to go to Subway 1!

Now if only I could find one such subway to freeload off!

ps: I didn't expect the guy to be 45 alpha! I thought prolly some 28 year old baccha, kyun ke, aap ke twacha se aap ka umr ka pata hi nahi chalta!

shark said...

Hi Alpha,
Best thing would be to go on a date with SW2 woman taking some freebeis from SW1 Man... You will have a free date - 2 in 1 ;-)

Grey Shades said...

Lol! I think you're gonna run out of subway restaurants at this rate! ;)

Fishy said...

Date with a Subway lady on Sunday!!!! wow alpha u sure seem to be heading straight up the value chain...i mena poor Pi, just coz he wouldnt cut onions, you take revenge like THIS??? btw i would recommend quiznos, way better subs than subway;)... and i havent seen too many indians run those... that was maybe you'll have a 95 year old non-indian to go on a date with instead;) LOL... sorry i couldnt resist...

AmitL said...

LOL..Twin,why do you usually find such 'interesting' people?By comparison,Dubai's Subway outlets are usually staid ones.:)So,say honstly,did u give the second lady a call?

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

First older men, then this woman... I think Pi is trying to make sure u have company when he's at his training. what a lovely husband u have

Saltwater Blues said...

... an interesting life you've got going there S!

wittsend said...

Sooch ley Alphu ~ subway wala - khaata hai, kamata hai ~ thoda umar main bada hai to kya ~ Pi is stuck in the PhD phase forever...lord knows when you will get another chance like this...nahi?????
Or another thought....maybe you can introduce Pi to the likes of Mrs. Yak-Yak and then go on double dates to Subway for free khana ~ then you don't even have to train Pi to peel onions...see the situation has options!! :-)

alpha said...

He(h^12): Nonsense. She is senile I agree, but she also loves her son. So she wanted a really young woman is the theory I am going with. I have seen the guy, doesn’t look like one who’d kick the bucket soon. Hence dreams of inheriting the store ought not to be entertained. There was a better possibility to inherit the lady’s dentures.

Shub: my twacha was grafted with yours. So if you are getting free anti wrinkle samples, you know why.

Shark: That sounds like a theory for Einstein. Wait, I’ll get a free 2-in-1?

Grey shades: Don’t say abshagun things!

Fishy: Subway is like the thayyir sadam and Quiznos is like mattar can get tired of mattar paneer though it tastes yummier. Don’t create more issues for me than I can handle.

Amitl: It’s better staid, than story.

Shufy: You make it sound like I have no other friends around. I need a shrink now.

Blues: so you say.

Wandy: There’s a shrink who’s giving me crazy ideas. Just tell me you are going to do research for the rest of your life and never practice. Yeah, if I went with subway guy, I’d have factory chopped onions kya- tomatoes, bell pepperes, cucumbers, olives..yada yada for the rest of my life.

wittsend said...

Alphu ~ I promise never to practice for $$$$. For that I have to first gradutate..which is no where in the near future..although ~ I promise to give dear friends ideas for better their lives ~ thats what friends are for?Rite??? :-)

Priya said...

Universal Subway truth! I had to change the Subway I went to coz the minute I would enter the store one desi dude would say to the other "Oy.. Asheesshhh.. aaja sandwich lagana hai"!! Eeeekkss.. so I decided to go to the other one which is run by a bunch of desi ladies who talk smack about all the goras that come and in and give me the occasional wink when they think I might have heard. I make sure to always go at the busiest lunch hour so they never have time to say more than "Combo? $4.79"!!

Zoheb said...

It’s better staid, than story

Alpha to form me hai :D

alpha said...

wittsend: Fine I'll call you that! advice for free? I get that from hubby all the time. Do u know a way to stop that?

Whatever it is, here's a WELCOME BACK HUG!!!

priya: lol! 'sandwich lagana hai'?!

zo: Someone's as jobless as me.

Chava said...

Let Sen.Joe Biden know this.. he would add " or to Subway unless u r unmarried indian(good looking?) " to his remark " u cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight indian accent" .

alpha said...

chava, my manuguru buddy... if he knew my story he'd not go to subway if u are indian.

i didn't see anything wrong with Joe Biden's comment. people are just blowing it out of context.

confused said...


Bride for 45 year old, thats a little bit of a dampner no?

Perhaps you could have played the game till she gave away the subway to you. No?

Ah! btw, I do like Chipotle southwest sauce too.

Second your thoughts about Biden. People are bing a tad too sensitive.

alpha said...

confoosed: Yeah perhaps that would have been a great plan... romance the 45 year old and bringing home the bread for Pi.
@ Biden...Yes, a tad TOO sensitive. Like I said, there are no good jokes if you don't stereotype... not saying he cracked a good one.

KT said...

wow.... i have seen a couple of movies wherein airports have been shown as "community places", places spreading love etc etc.. ( the terminal, love actually to name a few....)

well never knew eating joints would be added to the list... I was reading the post and took u for a male... and at the mention of freebies thought ...why freebie to a male... but then there was your Rajkumar...ehh??

Hardu said...

Better still, you should start going to a different joint and not to subways anymore. ;)

alpha said...

KT! Being confused for a man happens all the time. Should start shaving the beard.

hardu: Yes, I will work on changing my tastes.

Rationale said...

:) You should switch to Quiznos?

Just a few weeks ago an "aunty" at a friends Wedding was glorifying her son to me! ("Did I tell you, my so graduated from Columbia?", and this was the 5th time she stated that!!!) When she realised I was married, she not-so-subtly left the table!

Hardu said...

I am so J! You are married nad you sitll get so many proposals and me poor thing. Unmarried but still no one wants me. :(

Anonymous said...


i don't think you would want either the sw1 (45-year-old dude) or the sw2 (lady) proposals/dates that alpha got. :-)

- s.b.

alpha said...

yeah hardu: keep both if u like.

rationale: i am keeping an eye on you....better not say yes to crazy ladies in some frenzy...My brother may be weird at times..but still!

Llsa said...

lol - happened to me in a perfume store. She ended with "oh! then, ah.. do you happen to have single friends?"

Yuv said...

>Whatever it is, I better get busy looking for another Subway restaurant in the area.

and after these strange encounters still wanna try another subway joint.. :)

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